Monthly Archives: September 2013

6 months

Happy half birthday, buddy!

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Joey is now about 13.6 pounds and 25 inches long. Most doctors want breastfed babies to double their birth weight by 6 months – Joey is over 3.5 times his birth weight! He’s an overachiever. 🙂

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What life is like now:
– He has learned a pterodactyl scream when he’s not happy with what you’re doing. Or sometimes just because he’s wants to hear his voice.
– But he also has BIG laughs when he’s happy.
– He loves reading books.
– Loves jumping in his jumper.
– Has decided he HATES taking a bath (after that being his favorite thing in the world until now!).
– Loves watching the puppies, petting them, pulling their fur, and sticking his tongue out to kiss them back.

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– He thinks snorting is the funniest noise he’s ever heard. He tries to imitate it but can’t quite figure it out yet.
– He FINALLY found his toes!

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– He loves scooting and rolling all around in his crib.

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– But still has no desire to roll from back to belly. He’s totally capable, just decides he’s content once he’s on his back.
– He still sucks his thumb, but only when he’s sleeping or going to sleep. Never in the car when he’s screaming. 😉
– He grabs ev.er.y.thing. If it’s in his reach, it’s in his hand. And then in his mouth.
– He can sit on his own, but forgets he’s supposed to balance himself so topples over easily.

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He got sick for the first time this month and was just not himself at all for a couple weeks. A sure sign: he fell asleep in the car, let my carry him in in his seat, and continued to sleep in there in his bed for another hour. That is all unheard of in the world of Joey!

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He had his ophthalmology appointment this month and did great. Currently he’s about 4 points farsighted, which is on the high end of normal for his age. He’ll go back in a year and see how much he’s changed!

Joey got invited to his first birthday party this month! His little friend Paxton turned two and invited us to his party at Gymboree. It was fun!

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We also took our first trip to MN this month and Joey got to meet his BFFs!

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Cool dudes.

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Hanging out in the Tula!

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The first half of year one:

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Side by Side

Just for fun – some comparisons of how much Joey has grown! Hard to believe how much he’s changed in less than half a year.

First time in his car seat on homecoming day (5.5 weeks) and yesterday (5.5 months):

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Snuggled on my chest at 6 weeks and almost 6 months:

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First time in his It’s a Preemie Thing shirt at 6 weeks and last time I could squeeze him in at 5 months:

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In his swing on his due date (8.5 weeks) and at 5.5 months:

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First time in his Bumbo at 9 weeks, and a few days ago (5.5 months):

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First cloth diaper (9.5 weeks, almost 8lb) and this week (5.5 months, 13lb):

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First time in his bucket tub (I had to hold him up!) at 2.5 months, and still enjoying it at almost 6 months:

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And another just for fun – Joey at 5.5 months and ME at 6 months! This boy looks like his mama!

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Depth of Pain to Fullness of Joy

I’ve got 3 of my closest friends going through some incredibly hard and painful situations right now. They are weighing so much on my heart and I wish I could take all the pain, fear, and uncertainty away.

But while I’ve been processing these situations, one recurring thing I want to share with them all keeps coming back to me.

Over the last nearly 3 years I have seen some of my deepest, darkest days, as well as some of my brightest, most joyful days. Infertility is something you can’t fully understand until you’ve been there. The pain, the fear, the uncertainty – it’s so real and so raw.

A friend of mine just asked on an infertility board we’re both on a while back to those still trying to conceive their first, “Have any of you started to picture your life without ever having children?” I remember those days. That question brought me to the darkest places my heart has ever been. I couldn’t picture it. It wasn’t me. Everything about everything I had ever done was to the end of having my own children. Of being a mom. A life without kids was not a life I wanted to live. I felt absolutely forgotten, ignored, hopeless, hurt, and angry. Why didn’t God get it? Why did he put this unquenchably strong desire in my heart, only to keep the prize at arms length? It wasn’t fair.

But what I know on this side of it is if I hadn’t experienced the depth of the pain, the darkness of those days – I could never experience the fullness of the joy and light I’m experiencing now. God knew it’s what my heart needed. It was pain with a purpose. A purpose I couldn’t see, try as I did.

I think it’s ok to feel that anger, let yourself experience that pain. It will stretch your heart to new limits – in the capacity for pain so deep you’ve never experienced anything like it, but also in the capacity for joy.

I wish I could show you all the big picture. I wish I could say exactly how that joy is coming. And when it’s coming. All I know is that it is. And it’s going to be so much more beautiful than you can even imagine.

Proud Mama

My heart is just swelling with pride today. First Steps came back out again today to see where Joey is at. She was shocked and impressed at how far he’s come even just since the last time she saw him. As she interacted with him and asked me questions, she determined that he is really exactly where he should be for his actual age. A very healthy 5.5 month old. She even said if she didn’t know and hadn’t heard his whole story, she’d never believe he was so premature and has bleeds in his brain. The developmental pediatrician had the same impression last week too.

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As his mom, this filled me up big time. My days and nights with him are hard and long. Most days suck every ounce of life out of me by the time I finally lay down for the night. He is incredible, and exhausting. He is perfect, and needy. Being his mom is the greatest gift, and the hardest challenge. And to know that my efforts with him are helping… It just makes it all worth it. And to see how far he’s come… I am so proud of him.

I have started putting together a scrapbook for him (side note: LOVE Project Life! more on that later). It is still hard to look at pictures from his first few days. I hold a heavy guilt knowing that it was my body that failed him. He was warm and comfortable in his perfect home, and my body failed him. I know it wasn’t my fault, nothing I did on purpose, but oh how I wish he could have stayed inside. I felt like I set him back, set him up for failure, and placed a burden in his life he would need to overcome. Well, you know what, this boy is an overcomer. It heals my heart to see him so whole. To see tiny miracles in him daily.

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